A puppets chance in hell
by RosieRoe
Summary: Wes and David have decided to get Kurt and Blaine together whichever way they can. Even if it's awkward for everyone
1. Chapter 1

_Disclaimer: I do not own Blaine, Kurt or anything else from glee, sadly. But I do own the Kurt and Blaine puppet pals even though I totally ripped them off from the Harry Potter puppet pals which I do not own. I would also like to acknowledged__stephmcgirr__because I stole her last names for Wes and David._

_Okay this is my first fanfiction ever so that's why it's really bad. Also I'm totally for klaine so there's a pretty big chance that they're going to end up together. Also Wes and David have a very entertaining heterosexual bromance but that's it (probably__)_

**Blaine's point of view**

Blaine was staring dreamily at his computer screen and humming to himself as he checked his facebook. He was currently sitting on his bed in his room that he shared with his best friend Wesley Harrington at Dalton Academy.

Wes and David, Blaine's other best friend; smirked knowing that Blaine was spending time that he should be working on his English essay for Mr. Collins, the English teacher who thought reading and writing continuous essays on the tempest almost all year was a fine way to spend your final year in your high school English class, was instead facebook creeping Kurt Hummel and his new direction friends, probably also staring at Kurt in that picture of him in his cheerleading uniform from last year.

Seeing that their best friend was momentarily distracted they pulled out the two socks puppets (of Blaine and Kurt of course) and got ready to harass Blaine with another viewing of the Kurt and Blaine puppet pals, the two puppets that showed him what they think his life could be like if he managed to grow a pair so he could ask out Kurt. Blaine always insisted he hated the two puppets (one with a black bushy afro and the other with brown hair that was parted to the side with way to much glue to represent hairspray) and that they looked nothing like him and Kurt (Wes and David didn't believe him).

He also said he didn`t like Kurt in that way (again they didn't believe him) so to prove him wrong Blaine got to watch to puppets have a relationship on a weekly basis.

``Guess who`s here`` shrieked Wes with the Blaine puppet (and when I say he shrieked I meant he shrieked down the octave and you can imagine how that sounded).

Blaine groaned, he hated these annoying puppets. But the most annoying part of the puppets is that they sort of made him jealous. Yes he was jealous of two sock puppets controlled by his mentally challenged friends. He was jealous because even though they were socks they still had more of a love life then him.

``Todayyyyyyyy`` Blaine sock puppet/Wes said ``we will decide if me and Kurt will finally have sock sex``.

`` Really`` said Blaine ``really you`re going to make me listen to puppets decide whether they want have sock sex for half hour. I have better things to do``

``Like what stare at pictures of Kurt in his cheerleading uniform on facebook because we know that's what you're doing now" replied David smirking. I felt my face burn at that comment.

"Okay, time to get to the fun part" said Blaine sock puppet/ Wes. "Oh, Blaine" said Kurt sock puppet/David "I love you, let's have sock sex together". "Oh, we can't" replied Blaine sock puppet/Wes "I wouldn't want to take advantage of you like that Dave Karofskye guy did, it wouldn't be right". "Please, Blaine I want you" whined Kurt sock puppet/ David "you're nothing like that Dave Karofskye".

"You're right I'm so much better" growled a third sock puppet wait actually it was a very old beat up loafer with two googly eyes attached to it. "Aha! I am Dave Karofskye I will have Kurt not you" the loafer that is Dave Karofskye/ Wes.

Then Wes decided to make the loafer stomp on Blaine the sock puppet screaming Die, Blaine, Die he's mine. "What are you doing' said the voice of one Kurt Hummel behind us.

_This is Chapter one of a very bad Klaine story that I hope everyone likes. Reviews are love and will help me write better stories then this._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_This is the second chapter of Kurt and Blaine puppet pals. I __Also I got the idea for the cheerleading uniform picture from__Keitorin Asthore__'s story__Speed It Up for me, then Take It Real Slow__. Also besides the puppet's, all the pranks played on Blaine by Wes and David have been inflicted on my friend Flora._

_Disclaimer: I don't own Kurt, Blaine or Glee. Ryan Murphy and other's do. I also don't own Patti Lupone or teenage dream_

_Kurt's point of view_

"What are you doing" I demanded mixing my bitch glare with a furious stare together and hoped it would make me look a little bit terrifying.

Earlier I had just finished rereading Patti LuPone's new book when I decided to go visit Blaine in his room and see if Blaine wanted to go get coffee with him. Recently Kurt had decided that getting coffee, along with teenage dream and the word courage were his and Blaine's thing.

So after fixing his hair and changing into black skinny jeans, an Alexander McQueen sweater and a pair of doc Martin's I walked down to Blaine's dorm room. But as I was walking down the hall I heard scream's saying what sounded like "Die, Blaine, Die" from Wes and "At least before it was kind of funny, now it's just stupid" coming from Blaine.

Against my better judgement I stupidly decided to knock on the door to find out what was going on. But they obviously couldn't hear me. Yep Wes was definitely yelling "Die, Blaine, Die". After a few minutes of knocking, or maybe a few seconds I decided to open the door. It was unlocked and opened easily and I finally walked in to see what they were yelling about.

The first thing I noticed was that Blaine was sitting on his bed throwing small objects like pencils and balls of paper (and was that lip-gloss) at Wes who was attacking a sock with a giant black pompom attached to its head (which I think was supposed to represent maybe Blaine) with an old beat up loafer with googly eyes attached while he screamed "Die, Blaine, Die". Then I noticed that David was also in the room keeling over laughing with another sock puppet on his hand. When I examined the sock puppet I saw it had the yarn version of my hair and David was saying leave my Blainey alone in a suspiciously high voice.

"What are you doing' I demanded. They all turned around and looked at me, Blaine looking horrified while David and Wes looking amused with an edge of embarrassment.

"Hello Kurt would you like to watch the Blaine and Kurt puppet pals with me, Blaine and David' smiled Wes trying to look innocent but failing miserably. "

You still haven't explained what you're doing" I said glaring.

"Oh we were showing Blaine a puppet show on what his life could be like if he asked you out' replied David looking proud.

"So you don't want us to go out then" I said looking at him trying to act like I didn't care even though I very much did.

"What gave you that idea" piped up Wes looking highly confused.

"Um because from what I saw the Blaine sock puppety thing has the super ugly hair and he was being stomped on by an ugly loafer" I replied snarkily giving Wes my best bitch please glare.

"I used to love to love those loafers" muttered David.

"Well that was just one part right before that you were begging the Blaine puppet to have sex with you" chirped Wes looking very pleased with himself.

"Do you do stuff like this often" I said glaring at the two of them. "

Yep" replied David cheerfully. "Last week we convinced Blaine the new lamp we got was a clapping lamp by plugging the lamp into a power bar and whenever he would clap we would press the on/off with our feet and the lamp would turn on and off"

"Or two weeks ago when we went to visit David's house we told him David had two identical black cats instead of one" said Wes laughing at the memory.

"Yep the best part was when he started finding differences even though there was only one cat" cackled David. I had to smile at that one even thou Blaine looked like he would seriously enjoy strangling Wes and David.

"Oh let's go Davidzellentile our work is done" chirped Wes running out of the room with David on his heels.

"I hate them so much" muttered Blaine looking suicidal or homicidal not sure which.

"Nah there pretty funny" I replied still laughing about the clapping lamp thing.

"You're not the bunt of their jokes" Blaine said giving me the death glare.

"Actually I am, they made a puppet of me to" I replied matching his death glare.

"Wait they left the puppets behind! They left the annoying puppets behind! I can finally destroy them" Blaine said looking a bit too gleeful maybe making me think he get's tormented by these puppets a lot.

"Wait why is my puppet wearing an old candy bag coloured red with WMHS written on it in sharpie. If i didn't know better I'd think it was a cheerleading costume"

_This is the end to the second chapter. The last paragraph is Kurt talking. Also the name Davidzellentile comes from me calling my friend flora florazellentile (pronounced Flora/David-zell-in-tile) we came up with it while playing Sims. We were naming her daughters and we named them Fauna, Fiona and Florazellentile. And remember reviews are love! Sooooo review_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Glee; it belongs to Ryan Murphy who I now love for finally making Klaine happen. I don't own twizzlers, red vines, boom boom pow, sharpie or Kurt and Blaine's sex dream conversation. I "borrowed" that from when harry met sally.

**Blaine's Point of View**

"Wait why is my puppet wearing an old candy bag coloured red with WMHS written on it in sharpie. If I didn't know better I'd think it was a cheerleading costume" Kurt said looking at me curiously. Oh my god I actually want to strangle Wes and David right now. I think it is their life goal to make my life a living hell. I decide the best way to avoid answering this question is to get me and Kurt out of the room RIGHT NOW!

"Um there's something wrong with Wes and David just ignore the things they do. Hey do you want to go outside the room and go get coffee" I said hoping desperately that this would work and succeed in distracting Kurt from the puppets.

"Sure" Kurt replied "that's actually why I originally came over before I got distracted by the, uh, amazingly artistic sock puppets your friends made` He smirked while he said this with a look on his face that just screamed that he was laughing at me.

`Ha-ha` I laughed needing to get Kurt out of the room before Wes and David came back and pulled up the more embarrassing video`s of me, including the one where I'm wearing a cow t-shirt while singing a spoof of boom boom pow, moo moo cow. My voice also wasn`t developed yet so I had about 40 billion voice cracks in it. It`s not pretty.

So me and Kurt leave the room arguing about whether red vines or twizzlers were better on our way to the coffee shop (red vines are totally SO MUCH BETTER!). When were in the line at the coffee shop we notice that there was two boys in front of us was talking about sex dreams.

"Hey are you listening to their conversation" Kurt whispered in my ear sounding extremely sexy and slightly turning me on even though I know that wasn't his intention. Hmm but imagine how sexy his voice would sound murmuring in my ear while he No! Stop thinking about Kurt this way you are his mentor and nothing more. Plus even if I liked Kurt that way I doubt he would reciprocate the feelings. I doubt Kurt has a thing for hobbit's.

"Yeah I'm listening" I said back quietly not commenting on whether I found it funny or not in case Kurt didn't feel the same way and shunned me for either being a pervert or a prude.

"It's hilarious" Kurt said snickering. "The guy in the polo shirt's pretty kinky". I gaped at him not expecting this answer at all. From the innocent way Kurt looked I almost expected him to ask me what they were talking about instead of knowing full well and then finding it funny.

We glad just picked up our coffees when I decided to be daring and asked Kurt a question I was almost sure would not end well "so Kurt have you ever had any, uh, sex dreams" I muttered instantly regretting even opening my mouth.

Kurt stared at me not entirely sure what to say until he finally answer's. "I've only ever had one" he mutters under his breath.

Kurt: Well, basically it's the same dream I've been having since I was twelve.

Blaine: what is it?

Kurt: okay, there's this guy…

Blaine: what's he look like?

Kurt: I don't know, he's just sort of faceless.

Blaine: faceless guy, okay.

Kurt:he _rips_ off my clothes.

Blaine: …

Blaine: and?

Kurt: that's it.

Blaine: that's it? Some faceless guy rips off all your clothes, and _that's_ the sex fantasy you've been having since you were twelve?

Kurt: well sometimes it varies it a little.

Blaine: which part?

Kurt: what I'm wearing.

_And that is it for chapter 3! Please review because reviews are love._

_Also to anyone who thinks they recognize this story you do. But i didn't steal it i wrote around 9 months and but then took it offline and am now re-posting it with a different pen name and changed the name off the story. It is not plagiarism. _


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, Kurt or Blaine they belong to Ryan Murphy. I also don't own red vines

**Kurt's Point of view**

Oh my god I groan to myself. I can't believe me and Blaine just had that conversation. I look around, willing for me to find something that could start a new conversation.

Suddenly I noticed a guy from my history class walking by. He must have just come from his soccer practice (he and his friends are obsessed and their naivety is entertaining) because he was wearing a jersey and shorts that showed off his toned calves that you only get through intensive exercise. Suddenly he bends over to pick up his keys and I notice that that's not the only toned body part he has.

"Whatcha looking at Kurt" said someone in my ear next to me. I looked over and their stood an evilly grinning Wes.

"Nothing" I stammered blushing. Damn my blushing, I blush every time I get embarrassed and staring at some guys rear and getting called out on it by Wes definitely counted.

"Ha" exclaimed David, Grinning even more evilly than Wes and seeming to have appeared out of thin air "he blushes when he's embarrassed! We have caught him in the act of doing something embarrassing"

"I don't know" said Wes pulling over a chair and sitting down while taking a long sip of his coffee "he blushes at everything".

"I do not" I reply indignantly but I was ignored. "I guess" replied David sitting down as well "like when he blushed when I mentioned what Blaine sucking on those red vines reminded me off".

"That's because that comment was disgusting and inappropriate" Blaine butted in, glaring dagger's at Wes and David "not everyone is as dirty minded as the two of you".

"Actually they are Blainey-boy just some people a.k.a you two, try desperately to hide it from the rest of the world" responded David smirking. Blaine now looks very Homicidal (ha-ha sounds like homo-cidal) and is holding his coffee cup so tightly its leaving dent's in the sides.

"Please me and Blaine aren't dirty minded, you two are disturbing enough for four people" I replied with my best condescending tone (that I totally don't practice) accompanied by my superior glare (which I also totally don't practice).

"Actually Kurt that's where your wrong" said Wes attempting to smile innocently. It wasn't working. "You see Kurt, I am Blaine's room-mate and I'm the one that has to listen to him do kinky things to help with his, erg, loneliness"

"WES" shrieked Blaine squeezing his cup so hard that that hot coffee spilled all over his hand and the table "FUCK"

Wow Blaine sounds hot when he swears, actually hotter than when he performed animals last week. Wait did Wes just say that Blaine did kinky stuff to himself at night. Wow great I'm blushing again.

"Wow that's the worst swear word I've ever heard you say" mused David "normally we have to coax darn out of you"

"Oh and look David, Kurt's blushing and we didn't even say anything" said Wes handing a sulking Blaine some napkin's.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Kurt, Blaine or Glee they belong to Ryan Murphy and Fox and whoever else.

_Hello this is my final chapter of this story! In this one I will concentrate on the romance side and sort of ignore the humour. _

Chapter 5

Blaine's Point of View

I actually feel the urge to murder the two of them right now. Instead of looking dapper, drinking my not spilled coffee and chatting/flirting with Kurt I'm sulking and blushing at the same time, with a burned hand and coffee stained wet pants while Kurt is still checking out that random soccer guy. Holy god you'd think he would have memorized him by now.

"Oh well me and David will be off now before Blaine gets another coffee and starts projecting it across the room again" Said Wes suddenly breaking the silence and getting out of the chair and slinging his messenger bag over his shoulder "Oh and Kurt, he's straight". David smirked at Wes's comment before getting up to follow Wes.

"Oh and guys, don't gross the poor waitress out with your dead end, sickening flirting and your scary amount of eye-sex" said David as he started walking away smirking "but if you decide to stop ignoring the smouldering sexual tension make sure to leave the room to save peoples innocent eyes".

"What would we be doing in the coffee shop that would corrupt people's innocent eyes" Kurt said looking at David with a confused look on his face. Oh you really had to ask didn't you Kurt. Great now David's going to say something else embarrassing. My plan of asking out Kurt isn't going well.

"Well Blaine sort of has a fetish for table sex, not that he gets any, so you might scar everyone with your guy on guy table sex" David said before he loped of after Wes leaving a stunned looking Kurt with his mouth still open. I leaned over and using two of my fingers I shut his mouth.

Kurt looked over at me "just when I thought they couldn't say anything more awkward they manage to". He shook his head slightly and took a sip of his coffee.

"Kurt there's something I, um, want to, um, talk to you about" I said pointedly staring at my crumpled coffee cup that I mauled earlier. I quickly glanced up at Kurt and noticed that he was also staring at his coffee cup.

"Kurt, there is a moment... When you say to yourself Oh, there you are. I've been looking for you forever.'" Blaine places his hand on top of Kurt's and continues to speak. "Watching you do Blackbird this week... That was a moment for me - about you. You move me, Kurt... And this duet would be an excuse to spend more time with you."

I look up at Kurt face and I see a hopeful excitement. Oh my god he wants me to kiss him. He definitely does. The only thing that could ruin this right now is for Wes and David to show up. They better not.

Suddenly I feel Kurt's lips on mine. Oh shit he must have got impatient with my random thoughts about Wes and David while I was supposed to be professing my love for Kurt. Damn them even when they're not here they manage to ruin my life. Oh god I should kiss Kurt back right now. Wow I need a longer attention span.

I finished mine and Kurt's kiss (which was amazing it tasted like plum's and honey) and stared at him smiling. "We should practice" thinking of our duet we were singing at the old folk's home this weekend.

"See Kurt I told you Blaine had a fetish for table sex, but you do too, god now all the innocent coffee drinkers will have to watch that" said David from behind me. Or they could just be here and ruin it too. Plus they had the goddamn puppets.


End file.
